So what does that mean for you and me? Well, if you are participating in Dry July you are most likely sitting on the couch sober on a Friday night for the first time in decades. Flicking through the stations and pondering the possibilities of what the next five Friday and Saturday nights may hold for you.
All of a sudden the comedy shows aren't as funny; you can see the ball on the football whilst commending the umpire on his correct adjudication of the game. The SBS movie feature actually becomes more than a bit of tits and ass as you discover to your horror that you are actually reading the subtitles and understanding the plot. You are refraining from posting emotional outbursts and trying to chat to that cute one who you work with on facebook. To your absolute amazement you are starting to look forward to rising early to complete those menial gardening jobs that you have been planning since the mid to late seventies. You've already planned and mapped out your morning jog followed by a trip to the market to purchase some food for breakfast and all three morning papers. This has become an amazing transformation of your life.
Now that you aren’t drinking, many of the regular occurrences in life have vanished. Gone are the walks of shame down the foreign hallway of some strange house. Only after leaving do you realize that you have left your watch on the bedside table, Oh well collateral damage there is no way you are going back in there again. You find that you are no longer waking up on a Saturday morning with the obliterated remnants of lamb kebab in your bed, including the cast off spatter of garlic sauce across your bedside table. You are no longer getting phone calls from some bar, asking if you would like to finalize your account from Sunday night. They politely inform you that they could settle the account for you, as they actually still have your credit card that you have been looking for three days. You no longer wake up with your chin stuck to your pillow on a Sunday morning, from where you gave yourself a mighty inch long laceration from a dance floor injury. Most likely from an ill timed ‘worm’ at the seediest club that you know.
So yes you do feel the better for it. You are saving face, as well as tonnes of hard earned cash. Your waist line is shrinking, and you are regaining the respect of your family members. Blood pressure is normal, bowel functions regular, and most importantly you are supporting a great cause and contributing to a better and more well behaved society. Congratulations you have become a fully functioning member of society and a warrior for the cause that is:
DRY JULY
Well done you have done us all proud.
*The Author is no way associated or participating in Dry July. Jesus Christ, what do you think I’d write this crap sober??
